Happy Birthday Baby girl!

Rebecca is ONE! She demolished her cake as you can tell from the pictures and mommy had a new first. Bathing a baby in a public sink (hence no clothes in the last picture). Love this little girl :)

Snooze

I really have nothing profound to say except this little adorable one year old decided to keep mommy up all night. She tried keeping daddy up first but since he had to work early in the morning, mommy saved daddy. Now mommy has five kids running around and is taking extra long blinks... I see my house being a disaster by the end of the day. Tomorrow is Rebecca's first birthday party, I can't believe she is growing so fast. It just seems like yesterday she made her appearance into the world and I have blinked and the first year is gone. Cherish your babies, they grow too fast. 

Gears Grinded

So as most people I have, I have Facebook... Some days I question my sanity in actually having on but I digress. However today while I try not to be offended by things and just pass over it one post stood out at me.

 "I don't understand woman who stay with guys who beat them and cheat your just as stupid as him for staying with him if he's beating on you and you continue to stay with him then you deserve every last hit and if he's cheated on you once hunny he will do it a again !!"

This was her post and it really grinded my gears. One, you don't know, you haven't been there. Two, you can't dictate what you would do if you have never been in that situation. I am not one to air my business, quite frankly I don't like people knowing my personal business. Yes, I have a blog but it is nothing that is extremely personal. It is Biblical or things my crazy kids have done. However, tonight it is really on my heart to discuss some things in my past. Maybe if it helps one person then I will be okay with my decision to do this. This post may come down but for now I feel this is the right thing to do.

I was a "victim" of abuse. I put it in quotations because now that I am out of it I am stronger, smarter, and more aware. I married a man eight years ago, while dating he was charming, attentive, and kind. I really thought he was "the one." We married a year later and I got pregnant with my oldest two months later. All was still great we never even fought. Once she was born and we moved to my old hometown things changed. On our one year anniversary we got into a fight and he locked me outside, calling me psycho for being upset that he didn't want to spend time with me on our anniversary. He made me believe I was the bad guy. It was just a "fight" but it made me start questioning my mental stability. This continued on for six months, anytime we got into a fight it always ended up being convinced it was my fault. We usually fought about him being up all night with the neighbors drinking and me taking care of the oldest and not having support. He would tell me I was insecure, that I couldn't do anything without him etc. That should have been my warning flag but I really started to believe it. He had me convinced that I needed anti-depressants, that I was co-dependent. Then in August of 2007 it was 6am and I had just gotten out of the ER for a bad kidney infection and early that morning I asked him to make a bottle. I could barely move I was so sick. He ended up hitting me while I had our daughter in my arms, multiple times. I called the police and they took him to jail. I said I was done, this was never going to happen again I wouldn't allow it. While I was in the shower that night he came back and told me how sorry he was, that he didn't remember what happened because he was still drunk from the previous night and that it would never happen again, that he loved me etc. Then I questioned myself (he had already ingrained in me that fights were my fault) maybe I jumped the gun, maybe I shouldn't have called the cops. This was my fault that he would have this on my record and things like that. Two weeks later, almost the same scenario happened this time it was way worse, the neighbor literally came inside to drag him out and my ex knocked him out. This time I was taken to the hospital. I vowed to never get back with him again. This went on for six years... six long years never knowing when it would happen, always walking on egg shells. It was so ingrained in me that it was my fault these fights started, that I was the bad person. Then one day I had just had enough, I finally washed my hands of him after he was bashing my head on the floor I reached up and choked him defending myself. We both went to jail that night, despite defending myself. My charges were dropped but it was enough to make me realize that if I didn't get out I would end up in jail for a long time. So, ladies here are some facts about domestic violence.
If he wants to move fast in the relationship, he doesn't respect your boundaries, is jealous and accuses you of cheating, wants to know where you are at all times, is constantly calling/texting you, tells you that you are crazy, fat, stupid, i am the only one that will love you, doesn't take responsibility for his actions, all his past relationships failed because they were "psycho", doesn't want you to spend time with family or friends, seems to good to be true, rages out of control, is impulsive you need to run. Run before you have kids, run before you are committed to him, run before you have too much time invested. Not to de-escalate this, guys this goes for women to. Anyone can be abusive and you never know who it could be happening to. 

Heavy Heart

1 Peter 5:8 - Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.

We all know that one person that they continue to be afflicted by the devil and just can't seem to shake him. I have a heavy heart tonight. Someone that used to be a very important part of my life fell into temptation yet again. I don't plan to name names or go into specifics but it really is sad. Not only has this person lost jobs, family, children, friends, he may be losing his freedom and no longer has anything left in his possession. 

Proverbs 20:1- Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived therby is not wise. 

I have personal convictions from God not to drink but my conviction came long before that. My biological father was an alcoholic until three years ago. My great-grandparents died due to drunk drivers, I was married to an alcoholic for seven years. I have watched it devour and destroy and it is sad to sit there and watch someone destroy themselves and the people around them. 

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. 

This is why my heart is heavy, because I want everyone to go to Heaven. I don't want to see anyone I know go to hell especially when I know what they are capable of and the great works they could do if they only let God work in their lives. I know all I can do is pray... 

Exodus 14:14 - The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. 

God is always fighting for the lost, they just have to realize it... I hope and pray this person finds that their way isn't working and that God's way is the right way. *sigh*

Hair Standards

This post is really more for me than for other people to read but it's going to be loaded full of Biblical stuff. I am an Apostolic Pentecostal (google it if you wish) and we have many standards that we are held to and while I grew up this way and just did it I never really took interest in why because it was always a personal conviction I never really asked myself why. So, to all the people that asks me these questions: here are some answers for you and myself.

Why do you not dye your hair? 
Proverbs 16:31, "Gray hair is a crown of glory, it is gained in a righteous life." 
Matthew 5:36 Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black.

Why do you not cut your hair? 
1 Corinthian 11:15, But if a woman have long hair, it is glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering. 

Coverings: 1 Corinthians 11:4-5 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head. But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven. 

1 Corinthians 11:6 For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.

Holiness

Recently a friend asked on Facebook "What does holiness mean to you? Can you support it with scripture?" While I never replied to her question it really put me into some Bible reading time and what holiness really meant to me. Was it attitude? was it the way I dressed? the way I did things? or was it all of them and tying it together to be more like God? I really had to do some soul searching. Am I holy enough? Can I do more? Where am I failing in my holiness? Such tough questions but they all needed answers.

What is holiness to me? I think it is how we act, dress, and speak. You can't just do one and not others, that isn't holy. It is a way that you carry yourself. I have lost many friends due to going back to church because they don't understand, their minds are with the world and they can't wrap their brain around me needing to be of pure mind, body, and soul. So here it goes (you may have to read this in multiple parts but happy reading!)

• Be careful who you are friends with. It really does matter who you hang out with. I am not saying don't talk to anyone who doesn't believe, this is actually hanging out with and befriending. (1 Corinthians 5:9-13) 9: I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators. 10: Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world. 11: But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. 12: For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not yet judge them that are within? 13: But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person. (2 Corinthians 6:14) Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? Therefore what I am trying to say is be careful who you are friends with. People that repeatedly sin are not of God either. Why tempt yourself with those people when you can just cut those ties? 
• Don't love things of the world. Loving things of this world, do not make you holy and you should guard yourself so that you are not tempted. James 4:4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.1 John 2:15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.  God wants us to be more like him, loving things of the world are not like him at all. Anything evil, stay away from PERIOD. 
• Things that would harm our bodies, are bodies are a holy temple! Don't do drugs, alcohol, smoking even! These are all harmful things and we should stay away from them. 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defiles the temple of God, him shall destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are. 1 Corinthians 6:12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. 
• How you dress is an outward way of showing your holiness and separation from the world. (wearing skirts, uncut hair, no makeup or jewelry) Deuteronomy 22:5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God. 1 Corinthians 11:1-16  Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ. 2 Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you. 3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. 4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head. 5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven. 6 For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered. 7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. 8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. 9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. 10 For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels. 11 Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. 12 For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God. 13 Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman pray unto God uncovered? 14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him? 15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering. 16 But if any man seem to be contentious, we have no such custom, neither the churches of God. 1 Timothy 2:8-10 I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting. 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.1 Peter 3:1-5 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands. 
• How you speak really does matter! Which means, don't gossip, don't lie, don't curse, don't mislead people!  James 1:26 If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain. James 3:1-2 My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. 2 For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. James 5:12 But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation.
• Your attitude is a direct reflection of you and you need to always be checking it! Galatians 5:19-23 19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revelings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. Ephesians 4:23-32 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; 24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. 25 Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. 26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 27 Neither give place to the devil. 28 Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. 29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. 30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

James 1:19-27

James 1:19-27

19Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: 20For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.21Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. 22But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. 23For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: 24For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was. 25But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.

26If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain. 27Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

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This is something that has been on my heart today. Listen before speaking, slow to anger. Keeping your mouth shut about certain things... This is something I have slowly gained a personal conviction about. So many are quick to judge the facts in front of them when they don't know all the facts. They don't seek out the truth and anger quickly rather then looking at the whole situation. Where has your tongue led you? Has it led others astray? Have you taken a half truth and gotten angry only to find out later it wasn't the whole story at all and then needed to apologize to people? I don't claim to be perfect, I am far from it but lately I realized that listening is better than speaking. Going to the person is better then talking to others and letting things go is a better solution then being angry. Bite your tongue is wise, listening is even wiser.