Stupid Carmax, Stupid Blonde

Today has just been one of those days where you really wish that you could duct tape your children to the wall... Even if I could I wouldn't have the energy to do it.

Mikayla took EIGHT hours to clean her room, not because it was that dirty but because she just didn't want to do it. I know have a literal mountain of laundry from the things she has shoved under her bed the past month. We could have had a monkey living in there and I wouldn't have known it but I digress.

Caleb climbed the bathroom counter and somehow broke the cold water handle... while it was running and people wonder why I keep the tools in my house and not my shed.

Then the icing on the cake? I got pulled over... I really thought it was because Mikayla kept turning around in her seat but no... I just bought a van in January, the dealership *cough cough carmax* said that they would go ahead and register and tag my van and then I could pick up the plates and registration from the dealership when it was ready. Sweet I thought. They also stated that since renewal was in March that they would tag it all the way until March 2015 because my 60 day tag would be done in March. Cool right? Well, blonde me never even glanced at the registration or the tags for that matter.... They only did it until March 2014. I have been driving on expired tags for three months and had no clue about it. So, I figured okay big misunderstanding, I will check my buyers order and sure enough I was only charged 65.00 dollars for my tags so at least I didn't get overcharged for tags that I didn't get. Guess I get to go to the DMV tomorrow and waste my life away with five kids. Bah humbag. 

Gears Grinded

So as most people I have, I have Facebook... Some days I question my sanity in actually having on but I digress. However today while I try not to be offended by things and just pass over it one post stood out at me.

 "I don't understand woman who stay with guys who beat them and cheat your just as stupid as him for staying with him if he's beating on you and you continue to stay with him then you deserve every last hit and if he's cheated on you once hunny he will do it a again !!"

This was her post and it really grinded my gears. One, you don't know, you haven't been there. Two, you can't dictate what you would do if you have never been in that situation. I am not one to air my business, quite frankly I don't like people knowing my personal business. Yes, I have a blog but it is nothing that is extremely personal. It is Biblical or things my crazy kids have done. However, tonight it is really on my heart to discuss some things in my past. Maybe if it helps one person then I will be okay with my decision to do this. This post may come down but for now I feel this is the right thing to do.

I was a "victim" of abuse. I put it in quotations because now that I am out of it I am stronger, smarter, and more aware. I married a man eight years ago, while dating he was charming, attentive, and kind. I really thought he was "the one." We married a year later and I got pregnant with my oldest two months later. All was still great we never even fought. Once she was born and we moved to my old hometown things changed. On our one year anniversary we got into a fight and he locked me outside, calling me psycho for being upset that he didn't want to spend time with me on our anniversary. He made me believe I was the bad guy. It was just a "fight" but it made me start questioning my mental stability. This continued on for six months, anytime we got into a fight it always ended up being convinced it was my fault. We usually fought about him being up all night with the neighbors drinking and me taking care of the oldest and not having support. He would tell me I was insecure, that I couldn't do anything without him etc. That should have been my warning flag but I really started to believe it. He had me convinced that I needed anti-depressants, that I was co-dependent. Then in August of 2007 it was 6am and I had just gotten out of the ER for a bad kidney infection and early that morning I asked him to make a bottle. I could barely move I was so sick. He ended up hitting me while I had our daughter in my arms, multiple times. I called the police and they took him to jail. I said I was done, this was never going to happen again I wouldn't allow it. While I was in the shower that night he came back and told me how sorry he was, that he didn't remember what happened because he was still drunk from the previous night and that it would never happen again, that he loved me etc. Then I questioned myself (he had already ingrained in me that fights were my fault) maybe I jumped the gun, maybe I shouldn't have called the cops. This was my fault that he would have this on my record and things like that. Two weeks later, almost the same scenario happened this time it was way worse, the neighbor literally came inside to drag him out and my ex knocked him out. This time I was taken to the hospital. I vowed to never get back with him again. This went on for six years... six long years never knowing when it would happen, always walking on egg shells. It was so ingrained in me that it was my fault these fights started, that I was the bad person. Then one day I had just had enough, I finally washed my hands of him after he was bashing my head on the floor I reached up and choked him defending myself. We both went to jail that night, despite defending myself. My charges were dropped but it was enough to make me realize that if I didn't get out I would end up in jail for a long time. So, ladies here are some facts about domestic violence.
If he wants to move fast in the relationship, he doesn't respect your boundaries, is jealous and accuses you of cheating, wants to know where you are at all times, is constantly calling/texting you, tells you that you are crazy, fat, stupid, i am the only one that will love you, doesn't take responsibility for his actions, all his past relationships failed because they were "psycho", doesn't want you to spend time with family or friends, seems to good to be true, rages out of control, is impulsive you need to run. Run before you have kids, run before you are committed to him, run before you have too much time invested. Not to de-escalate this, guys this goes for women to. Anyone can be abusive and you never know who it could be happening to. 

She did it this time...

You see this sweet innocent looking little girl? It's a lie... She is sneaky, devious, and full of orneriness! In the span of two months the two events have occurred.

*My brother who is 20 was watching my kids while I ran a friend home. Mikayla is outside playing as I leave. I pull into the drive way after being gone about ten minutes to a phone call from the local police department. The following conversation ensued.

Police: Is this Mikayla's mom?
Me: Yes, is everything okay?! (almost panicking at this point)
Police: Yes, we have her at the police station, she was found at (main intersection) can you come get her?
Me: Yes, I will be right there.
I am now speeding to the police station in hysterics and calling Aaron to relay what is going on.
I run into the police station to find one happy little girl with a sucker and two police officers at her side as she just smiles on like this is a normal day. I ask what happened. Apparently my child decided that she wanted to go to Sonic and get ice cream and decided to walk out of our neighborhood down the main road (which is also a highway) and let a lady pick her up THAT SHE DIDN'T KNOW off the side of the road and take her to the police station. Needless to say I was so mad. I contained myself until we got to the van. I even smiled and thanked the officers as I was buckling in and the minute I left the parking lot momma had enough of her fake little smile.

Momma: Why didn't you ask anyone if you could go?
Mikayla: Because I knew you would say no
Momma: So why did you go?
Mikayla: because I wanted to go, I wanted ice cream
Momma: did you have money for ice cream?
Mikayla: no
Momma: so how were you going to get ice cream?
Mikayla: I am cute, Sonic would have gave me some for  that
Momma: you know you are in big trouble right?
Mikayla: yep
Momma: you going to do this again?
Mikayla: hmm I don't think so
Momma: you're grounded until your birthday (5 weeks)
Mikayla: that's too long, can we negotiate?
Momma: no, if you try it will be longer. Just wait until daddy hears about this.
Mikayla: Fine! 5 weeks, but dad don't need to know I will clean everyday and change diapers
Momma: I am not negotiating with a terrorist
Mikayla: Mom... terrorists blow up buildings, I don't do that

Needless to say she got grounded for 5 weeks, daddy knew and they had a nice long talk. So we thought she knew better... RIGHT!?! Cue today...

Mikayla calls on her friends phone: "Mom can I go to the local school park with my friend?"
Momma: her mom going?
Mikayla: yes she is going to walk with us
Momma: okay you sure she is going
Mikayla: yes
Momma: okay you can go then *click*

Shaun walks in wants to know if he can go to local school too, I said no Mikayla already left with friend and mom. He said nooo just Mikayla and friend. I call up friends mom, she isn't with them she stayed at home. I call friends cell phone (WHO IS ONLY 10!!) and of course they don't answer. I start freaking out, getting kids ready to go drive to school to go pick her lying butt up. Fly through the house looking for keys and shoes and can only find one shoe go figure as I am in near panic. Get the three little ones strapped in carseat, screaming for Shaun to hurry up because his sister could be kidnapped (yes my brain went there) and then I see it... Mikayla skipping around the corner with her friend. I think the whole neighborhood heard her whole entire name screamed and told to get her butt home RIGHT NOW I roared. She is still hopping, totally oblivious that she is going to be in trouble. As she is making her way home, I unbuckle the three tell Shaun to go open the front door. Dragging Caleb back with me because of course he now doesn't want to go inside with Rebecca on my hip. Screaming the whole time for Mikayla to get home NOW. I am pretty sure some of the neighbors were peaking out their windows. She finally gets home to tell me she didn't lie that her friends mom was with her... yet another lie. I was so mad with her that she is in her room until daddy gets home because let's be real orange don't look good on me, my complexion is too pasty white.