1 parent, 5 kids and one poor vision center

I just want to say Happy Birthday to the best mom ever, I don't know how you managed all of us kids and still live to tell all the embarrassing stories! I love you!

Yesterday was the eye doctor... for all the kids...by myself. Yes, I am insane, first step is admittance right?
So, we park as close as we can and I let all the five monsters descend upon the place, fortunately they have a play place. Unfortunately my kids don't know how to be nice to other kids so while waiting the hour to be seen all of them at one point get in trouble and have to sit with me.

We finally get called into the 10x10 room for them to do all the assessment. I have Avery screaming to be held, Rebecca crawling around trying to unplug everything, Mikayla refusing to listen, Shaun repeating over over over "mom am I brave" yes Shaun yes you are and Caleb the normal demon child was the good one? I know I couldn't believe it either. We got eyes measured, pictures taken, air blown in, and dilated. Yes I have five kids with dilated eyes, quite funny if you ask me. Then we get taken to yet another room which was pitch black and I realized my eyes suck in the dark. I am now holding Caleb & Rebecca, I have given Avery my phone to play on and Mikayla is up first. We of course knew she would need glasses since she already has them and my normal social butterfly clammed up and would only whisper answers to me that I had to then relay to the doctor while Rebecca is pulling my hair and Caleb is kicking his legs wanting free. Shaun up next, no glasses for that little guy but I got to see the most gorgeous blue eyes up close :) Caleb, Avery & Rebecca are all farsighted but doctor says that is normal with age and generally grow out of it so they will re-check next visit. I couldn't imagine trying to keep track of four pairs of glasses. I would go NUTS!

Now comes time to picking a pair of glasses. I wanted wire frames, they hold up better. Mikayla wanted the big plastic frames that remind me of the 1960's. She wanted pink I wanted black, she wanted hearts, I wanted flowers. All while we are trying to get her glasses that she can agree with me on and Shaun is now picking up Rebecca and spinning her wildly in circles. Caleb is trying to kill Avery and the circus continues. We finally get her glasses picked and will pick them up next week... by myself never again will I get five kids in any doctor ever again. It just isn't going to happen.

We trek to back to the van, take ten minutes to readjust sunglasses, stupid cheap toys that were given, field questions about dinner all while I am pouring in sweat and just want sleep and food. I decide cooking isn't an option that night and we go to taco shop. Kids are trying to scream orders that's when I snapped I was done done done. I yelled "IF you don't be quiet YOU ARE ALL GOING TO STARVE!" Yep, that made them quiet, I ordered my 15 pack of soft tacos while kids cried that their cheap toys already broke, their paper glasses broke and one was eating carmex...

This mom is done and sent them to bed early just so I could too :) 

In Love with Summer??

My kids have gone nuts. I normally love summer, being able to sleep in and not have to fight with them to get ready for school. This momma is in LOVE with summer! This summer I am already questioning my sanity. I woke up this morning with an adorable Caleb on my head... pouring my leftover soda from the night before on my head. He is laughing manically and just can't seem to understand why momma is running to the bathroom and stripping the bed of its sheets. As I am cleaning up that mess I hear giggling, which in this house coming from Caleb is never a good sign. I go to the kitchen where he is no sitting ON TOP of the refrigerator. I really think I gave birth to a monkey I try to get him down but he is now standing and backed all the way to the wall. I grab a chair and my arms are still not long enough to get him down safely. I am no light weight I am 5'9 180 lbs climbing on a counter would normally not be an option for me, but today it had to be. I get my butt up on the chair and step on to the counter with one foot and have no idea how to put my other foot up there. I get the genius idea to hang on to the cabinet... Full of canned goods. I grab the top and hoist myself up onto the counter just as I make it cans come flying out at me and I have successfully pulled my cabinet of the wall (never buy not wood cabinets). I look at my mess, there is cans all over the kitchen, the cabinet now in the sink, nails sticking out of the wall and my dear son is still on top of the fridge... laughing...hysterically. I close in on him, this time he is coming down after I have torn my kitchen apart to get to him. Now he is dancing and singing his ABC's and reaching out for me. I love this kid but I am beginning to think he is a monkey not a human. I got him down with the help of Mikayla grabbing him from me and now I am stuck on the counter. STUCK. I had knee surgery so getting it to bend the way I want only happens 20% of the time. I have one knee down and now Mikayla and Caleb are both on the ground laughing hysterically at me. Caleb runs off, he got bored watching me squirm. I was being careful until I heard water rushing. Somehow in that moment I was able to fly off the counter, dive over the cans and reach the kids bathroom just in time to see Caleb flooding the sink with toilet paper. He is dancing on the counter in the water having a blast. This time momma has had it. She just quit smoking two days ago and his cute smile isn't going to get him out of trouble this time. I shut the water off get him off the counter and lock him in his room thinking he will be safe while I clean this mess up, completely leaving my kitchen mess. 10 towels later and lots of toilet paper the bathroom is clean and I go to the bedroom to let him out. In 10 minutes time this kid has pushed three mattresses off the beds and is on top of the bunk beds in jump position. Do I need to remind everyone that he is only 2? I think I am raising the next evil knieval. At this point I am ready to pull my hair out and just cry. I want my mommy, what did I do to deserve this?! So, I do what any bad mom does and decide okay I need to trap him so that I can watch him and clean everything up. I take Rebecca's play pen, turn on cartoons and give him some toys and flip the play pen over so he can't get out. I know I know it's horrible but I needed to clean up his messes. So, while he was stuck in there I commandeered Mikayla (okay bribed) to help me. She stacked all the cans up while I started the sheets in the laundry and then called my mom to ask how to put the cabinet back on the wall. With a 2x4 and lots of long screws my cabinet is back on, bribed Mikayla with more candy to put the cans back up while I fixed the boys room once again. This was all before 9am and this momma needs a nap and shower ASAP

Sorry Mailman

Last month Aaron lost our only mailbox key while working under someones house... only to realize it after work and didn't know where it would be. I called the post office and they want to charge me $25 dollars for a key. I like my money, I like keeping it in my bank account I don't even like paying bills much less paying money just to get my bills... So, I kind of forgot about the whole key thing. Yesterday I realized I really needed to get my mail and had no key. I was too much of a wimp to break into my own mailbox (again...I don't look good in orange) so I opted for telling all the neighbor kids to watch for the mailman for me this morning. I get a knock and the mailman has arrived I sprint out of the house in boxers and a t-shirt down the street hoping he was still there. I must have looked like a crazy woman all wild hair and huffing and puffing as he backed away from me. I have mail back from April in there. I only got three bills, the rest was junk anyway but I GOT MONEY! Thank you little kid for helping me get my mail, I am one happy momma today :) 

She did it this time...

You see this sweet innocent looking little girl? It's a lie... She is sneaky, devious, and full of orneriness! In the span of two months the two events have occurred.

*My brother who is 20 was watching my kids while I ran a friend home. Mikayla is outside playing as I leave. I pull into the drive way after being gone about ten minutes to a phone call from the local police department. The following conversation ensued.

Police: Is this Mikayla's mom?
Me: Yes, is everything okay?! (almost panicking at this point)
Police: Yes, we have her at the police station, she was found at (main intersection) can you come get her?
Me: Yes, I will be right there.
I am now speeding to the police station in hysterics and calling Aaron to relay what is going on.
I run into the police station to find one happy little girl with a sucker and two police officers at her side as she just smiles on like this is a normal day. I ask what happened. Apparently my child decided that she wanted to go to Sonic and get ice cream and decided to walk out of our neighborhood down the main road (which is also a highway) and let a lady pick her up THAT SHE DIDN'T KNOW off the side of the road and take her to the police station. Needless to say I was so mad. I contained myself until we got to the van. I even smiled and thanked the officers as I was buckling in and the minute I left the parking lot momma had enough of her fake little smile.

Momma: Why didn't you ask anyone if you could go?
Mikayla: Because I knew you would say no
Momma: So why did you go?
Mikayla: because I wanted to go, I wanted ice cream
Momma: did you have money for ice cream?
Mikayla: no
Momma: so how were you going to get ice cream?
Mikayla: I am cute, Sonic would have gave me some for  that
Momma: you know you are in big trouble right?
Mikayla: yep
Momma: you going to do this again?
Mikayla: hmm I don't think so
Momma: you're grounded until your birthday (5 weeks)
Mikayla: that's too long, can we negotiate?
Momma: no, if you try it will be longer. Just wait until daddy hears about this.
Mikayla: Fine! 5 weeks, but dad don't need to know I will clean everyday and change diapers
Momma: I am not negotiating with a terrorist
Mikayla: Mom... terrorists blow up buildings, I don't do that

Needless to say she got grounded for 5 weeks, daddy knew and they had a nice long talk. So we thought she knew better... RIGHT!?! Cue today...

Mikayla calls on her friends phone: "Mom can I go to the local school park with my friend?"
Momma: her mom going?
Mikayla: yes she is going to walk with us
Momma: okay you sure she is going
Mikayla: yes
Momma: okay you can go then *click*

Shaun walks in wants to know if he can go to local school too, I said no Mikayla already left with friend and mom. He said nooo just Mikayla and friend. I call up friends mom, she isn't with them she stayed at home. I call friends cell phone (WHO IS ONLY 10!!) and of course they don't answer. I start freaking out, getting kids ready to go drive to school to go pick her lying butt up. Fly through the house looking for keys and shoes and can only find one shoe go figure as I am in near panic. Get the three little ones strapped in carseat, screaming for Shaun to hurry up because his sister could be kidnapped (yes my brain went there) and then I see it... Mikayla skipping around the corner with her friend. I think the whole neighborhood heard her whole entire name screamed and told to get her butt home RIGHT NOW I roared. She is still hopping, totally oblivious that she is going to be in trouble. As she is making her way home, I unbuckle the three tell Shaun to go open the front door. Dragging Caleb back with me because of course he now doesn't want to go inside with Rebecca on my hip. Screaming the whole time for Mikayla to get home NOW. I am pretty sure some of the neighbors were peaking out their windows. She finally gets home to tell me she didn't lie that her friends mom was with her... yet another lie. I was so mad with her that she is in her room until daddy gets home because let's be real orange don't look good on me, my complexion is too pasty white.

32 Weeks

It has hit me that I don't have much more time with this little monster in my belly... I think I will miss being pregnant to some extent. People are always smiling at you, opening doors, offering their seats, commenting how pretty I look, and overall just being nicer. Things I won't miss about being pregnant, people TOTAL strangers thinking they can touch your belly. Just because my stomach sticks out does not give people the right to touch my stomach! I think the next person who does that I will say why are you touching my fat? Hmm... that might make them feel bad mwhahah! I had a guy at the gas station come running (yes literally running) over and touch my stomach before I could turn away and he said "love for the baby" OH MY GOD PEOPLE! In his defense he looked like a total druggie, so maybe he was hopped up on drugs and has no idea how to behave in a social setting... People are just weird. I feel awkward when people I don't know ask me when I am due. I know this is weird but there is a lot of news stories where women will ask others when they are due and stalk them and cut their baby out. Yes I know the likelihood of this happening is slim but I still scares the crap out of me. So when people ask when I am due I tell them May and leave it at that even though we all know I am not due in May but thats besides the point, gives me a month to fend of my stalker! Lets see what else, I am already tired of going to the doctor twice a week, but I know its so little miss in there can stay healthy but its down right boring, maybe they should mix up the routine... Instead of weighing, peeing in a cup, seeing the midwife or doctor, getting an internal exam, and hooking up to the NST machine they should do it in reverse occasionally? Yes, I know I am a weirdo!

Pregnant!

 I am still trying to convince myself that yes I am pregnant and no this isn't some fantastic dream. I read that in these 8 weeks the baby already has eyelids, arm buds, and leg buds. Its amazing how fast they grow! My first OB/GYN appointment is tomorrow, I am pretty excited about it. I just really want to hear his/her heartbeat so I know that yes there really is something inside me growing!

 I have started to discuss baby names I know its early but hey, I am a first time mom! Can't decide on a girl name whatsoever so watch we will probably have a little girl and she will have no name. 

I know I am only 8 weeks pregnant but two of things MIGHT be going on (a) I am going crazy or (b) I am already gaining weight and my belly is already starting to show a little bit

**Update** I found out its (B) that yes I am starting to gain some weight and get a belly. I have gained 2 lbs. 3 oz. to be exact.**