1 parent, 5 kids and one poor vision center

I just want to say Happy Birthday to the best mom ever, I don't know how you managed all of us kids and still live to tell all the embarrassing stories! I love you!

Yesterday was the eye doctor... for all the kids...by myself. Yes, I am insane, first step is admittance right?
So, we park as close as we can and I let all the five monsters descend upon the place, fortunately they have a play place. Unfortunately my kids don't know how to be nice to other kids so while waiting the hour to be seen all of them at one point get in trouble and have to sit with me.

We finally get called into the 10x10 room for them to do all the assessment. I have Avery screaming to be held, Rebecca crawling around trying to unplug everything, Mikayla refusing to listen, Shaun repeating over over over "mom am I brave" yes Shaun yes you are and Caleb the normal demon child was the good one? I know I couldn't believe it either. We got eyes measured, pictures taken, air blown in, and dilated. Yes I have five kids with dilated eyes, quite funny if you ask me. Then we get taken to yet another room which was pitch black and I realized my eyes suck in the dark. I am now holding Caleb & Rebecca, I have given Avery my phone to play on and Mikayla is up first. We of course knew she would need glasses since she already has them and my normal social butterfly clammed up and would only whisper answers to me that I had to then relay to the doctor while Rebecca is pulling my hair and Caleb is kicking his legs wanting free. Shaun up next, no glasses for that little guy but I got to see the most gorgeous blue eyes up close :) Caleb, Avery & Rebecca are all farsighted but doctor says that is normal with age and generally grow out of it so they will re-check next visit. I couldn't imagine trying to keep track of four pairs of glasses. I would go NUTS!

Now comes time to picking a pair of glasses. I wanted wire frames, they hold up better. Mikayla wanted the big plastic frames that remind me of the 1960's. She wanted pink I wanted black, she wanted hearts, I wanted flowers. All while we are trying to get her glasses that she can agree with me on and Shaun is now picking up Rebecca and spinning her wildly in circles. Caleb is trying to kill Avery and the circus continues. We finally get her glasses picked and will pick them up next week... by myself never again will I get five kids in any doctor ever again. It just isn't going to happen.

We trek to back to the van, take ten minutes to readjust sunglasses, stupid cheap toys that were given, field questions about dinner all while I am pouring in sweat and just want sleep and food. I decide cooking isn't an option that night and we go to taco shop. Kids are trying to scream orders that's when I snapped I was done done done. I yelled "IF you don't be quiet YOU ARE ALL GOING TO STARVE!" Yep, that made them quiet, I ordered my 15 pack of soft tacos while kids cried that their cheap toys already broke, their paper glasses broke and one was eating carmex...

This mom is done and sent them to bed early just so I could too :) 

In Love with Summer??

My kids have gone nuts. I normally love summer, being able to sleep in and not have to fight with them to get ready for school. This momma is in LOVE with summer! This summer I am already questioning my sanity. I woke up this morning with an adorable Caleb on my head... pouring my leftover soda from the night before on my head. He is laughing manically and just can't seem to understand why momma is running to the bathroom and stripping the bed of its sheets. As I am cleaning up that mess I hear giggling, which in this house coming from Caleb is never a good sign. I go to the kitchen where he is no sitting ON TOP of the refrigerator. I really think I gave birth to a monkey I try to get him down but he is now standing and backed all the way to the wall. I grab a chair and my arms are still not long enough to get him down safely. I am no light weight I am 5'9 180 lbs climbing on a counter would normally not be an option for me, but today it had to be. I get my butt up on the chair and step on to the counter with one foot and have no idea how to put my other foot up there. I get the genius idea to hang on to the cabinet... Full of canned goods. I grab the top and hoist myself up onto the counter just as I make it cans come flying out at me and I have successfully pulled my cabinet of the wall (never buy not wood cabinets). I look at my mess, there is cans all over the kitchen, the cabinet now in the sink, nails sticking out of the wall and my dear son is still on top of the fridge... laughing...hysterically. I close in on him, this time he is coming down after I have torn my kitchen apart to get to him. Now he is dancing and singing his ABC's and reaching out for me. I love this kid but I am beginning to think he is a monkey not a human. I got him down with the help of Mikayla grabbing him from me and now I am stuck on the counter. STUCK. I had knee surgery so getting it to bend the way I want only happens 20% of the time. I have one knee down and now Mikayla and Caleb are both on the ground laughing hysterically at me. Caleb runs off, he got bored watching me squirm. I was being careful until I heard water rushing. Somehow in that moment I was able to fly off the counter, dive over the cans and reach the kids bathroom just in time to see Caleb flooding the sink with toilet paper. He is dancing on the counter in the water having a blast. This time momma has had it. She just quit smoking two days ago and his cute smile isn't going to get him out of trouble this time. I shut the water off get him off the counter and lock him in his room thinking he will be safe while I clean this mess up, completely leaving my kitchen mess. 10 towels later and lots of toilet paper the bathroom is clean and I go to the bedroom to let him out. In 10 minutes time this kid has pushed three mattresses off the beds and is on top of the bunk beds in jump position. Do I need to remind everyone that he is only 2? I think I am raising the next evil knieval. At this point I am ready to pull my hair out and just cry. I want my mommy, what did I do to deserve this?! So, I do what any bad mom does and decide okay I need to trap him so that I can watch him and clean everything up. I take Rebecca's play pen, turn on cartoons and give him some toys and flip the play pen over so he can't get out. I know I know it's horrible but I needed to clean up his messes. So, while he was stuck in there I commandeered Mikayla (okay bribed) to help me. She stacked all the cans up while I started the sheets in the laundry and then called my mom to ask how to put the cabinet back on the wall. With a 2x4 and lots of long screws my cabinet is back on, bribed Mikayla with more candy to put the cans back up while I fixed the boys room once again. This was all before 9am and this momma needs a nap and shower ASAP