33 weeks

Selfish?

I am 33 weeks today, I am still kinda in shock that I have made it this far. Considering that I have been in pre-labor since 29 weeks. I am sitting here wondering if I should make the decision to stop going in when I have contractions to get the terbutaline shot. Here is a little information on this shot: it is not FDA approved for stopping contractions, it is used "off list" for this. The most common side effects are: jitteriness (they aren't kidding!), increased heart rate (when my normal HR is around 70-80 and it goes to 141 i think that would definitely be considered increased heart rate), tremors (when you can't even see the wall because you are shaking so hard, its time to do something) mild adverse effects are: (which they say are "less common"): headache (yup they aren't kidding), dizziness (haven't had this one), drowsiness (most definitely!), restlessness (nope), insomnia (nope, never ever had a problem with this), rapid, pounding heart rate (ha! if that's what you call a HR of 141), increased sweating (no), muscle cramps in legs or hands (legs and it feels like my bones are breaking), nausea, heartburn, vomiting (haven't had those three woohoo), increased blood sugar. severe adverse effects are: rapid or irregular heartbeat (yup yup and check yup), increased blood pressure (yup), lowered blood calcium (don't think so), liver toxicity (not to my knowledge), severe lowering of blood pressure, seizures (nope & nope)... okay so for side effects I have all the common ones, most of the "mildly adverse", and one of the serious ones, yet they keep giving me this crap! By the way Tachycardia of the heart is defined as more than 100 beats per minute, I think I qualify for this being my heart rate was ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY ONE!!! Again, why do they think it is safe for a pregnant woman to take this medication??? Had I known any of this before I might not have accepted this shot. Also I have had the betamethasone (steroids to mature babies lungs), which taken in conjunction with terbutaline can cause other serious complications and puts me at risk for more complications, YET THEY GIVE THIS CRAP TO ME! Here are the complications it can have to MS: Tachycardia, Hypocalcemia, Hypoglycemia, Myocardial Ischemia,Cardiac Arrythmias, Hypotension, and Intraventricular Hemorrhaging. So am I accepting these medications that are harming me and most likely my baby just to keep her in longer when right now the risks of her being born right now are: not being able to maintain blood pressure, not being able to maintain body temperature, not being able to maintain blood sugar, (all of these are fairly minor things that she would have to stay in the NICU for a couple weeks to correct). According to March of Dimes she already has the ability to suck/swallow which is a major problem with most premature infants, she can breath and chances of her being on oxygen are fairly slim and if she is it would be a CPAP most likely, nothing too bad... Something I think I could handle if I had to. Okay so here is more medications that they are having me take while I am at home: Procardia (a heart medicine) but is also used for stopping contractions. Side Effects to this: dizziness, lightheadedness, giddiness, flushing heat sensation, headache, weakness, nausea, heartburn, muscle cramps, tremors, peripheal edema, nervousness, mood change, palpatations, dyspnea, coughing, wheezing, nasal congestion, sore throat. I have 15 out of 19 of those side effects and they want me to TAKE THIS CRAP? I am scared that by trying to keep her in longer I am hurting her even more. I am scared that these medications will have long term effects on me as well. When I am not taking the medication I am still occasionally getting a very fast heart rate, sweating, hot flashes... I didn't start getting these symptoms until I had gotten my first two shots of terbutaline. I am scared and slowly starting to lose faith in my OB, why wasn't I informed of these side effects? We are supposed to get an informed decision but I don't think I was accurately informed and now I am starting to maybe regret my decisions. I know at 29 weeks she would have been very small and had a hard time, but now its 4 weeks later. The risk of having her now isn't horrible and I think its something emotionally I could handle. I am 7 weeks away from being 40 weeks and 4 weeks away from being 37 weeks which is considered full term. Is having her 4 weeks before full term going to effect her horribly? I think I am going to call my OB today and have a discussion with her. Right now I am just scared and pissed off that I have had to find this out all on my own, isn't a doctor supposed to be your advocate? To do no harm? Maybe I am being selfish but I am not sure if I really want to have any more of these shots or take any more of the medication that was sent home with me... What if I have a heart attack when M is at work? I know he worries about me all day and makes me call once an hour so the chances of me dying aren't too great, but hey things happen. I know I am just being paranoid but can you blame me?

Hospital V3.1

Started having contractions again late last night, nothing really to be concerned about because my Happy Midwife (the one I like) told me not to be concerned unless I had more then six in hour. So long about 1pm today they started being more then six and becoming really painful. Another thing I was worried about was MS hadn't moved for 5 1/2 hours (your supposed to be concerned after 6 hours) so I called the OB and she said to come in immediately. They hooked me up to NST machine and her heart rate just stayed between 128-132 and I was having a lot of contractions. They were worried about MS because her heart rate should fluctuate. They sent me to the hospital to get a terbutalineshot and for additional monitoring of her heart rate. I got there and they checked me in, they didn't have any beds available in the antepartum unit so I was in the labor room, which I might add is a lot different then the antepartum unit, there are so many lights in there you feel like you are on display for the whole world to see anyway. Long story short they gave me two shots (were supposed to give three) they didn't give me the third one because my heart rate was too high it was 141 (higher then the babys!) but it did what it needed to do and stopped my contractions. I have now been sent home after they made sure my heart rate went down and my blood pressure was okay. I am on strict bed rest which I was on before yippee skippy! So now my goal is to keep her in till Friday at my next OB appt. with Happy Midwife.

32 Weeks

It has hit me that I don't have much more time with this little monster in my belly... I think I will miss being pregnant to some extent. People are always smiling at you, opening doors, offering their seats, commenting how pretty I look, and overall just being nicer. Things I won't miss about being pregnant, people TOTAL strangers thinking they can touch your belly. Just because my stomach sticks out does not give people the right to touch my stomach! I think the next person who does that I will say why are you touching my fat? Hmm... that might make them feel bad mwhahah! I had a guy at the gas station come running (yes literally running) over and touch my stomach before I could turn away and he said "love for the baby" OH MY GOD PEOPLE! In his defense he looked like a total druggie, so maybe he was hopped up on drugs and has no idea how to behave in a social setting... People are just weird. I feel awkward when people I don't know ask me when I am due. I know this is weird but there is a lot of news stories where women will ask others when they are due and stalk them and cut their baby out. Yes I know the likelihood of this happening is slim but I still scares the crap out of me. So when people ask when I am due I tell them May and leave it at that even though we all know I am not due in May but thats besides the point, gives me a month to fend of my stalker! Lets see what else, I am already tired of going to the doctor twice a week, but I know its so little miss in there can stay healthy but its down right boring, maybe they should mix up the routine... Instead of weighing, peeing in a cup, seeing the midwife or doctor, getting an internal exam, and hooking up to the NST machine they should do it in reverse occasionally? Yes, I know I am a weirdo!

Scare V. 2

Went back on Thursday afternoon, started having contractions again. They sent me back over to the hospital where they gave me some injections to stop the contractions. They stopped so they sent me home. I am considered in pre-term labor now and 1 cm dilated... Still wondering if I should have pushed the issue and not let them send me home because I just didn't feel right. I have gained 11 lbs. since Tuesday because of all the Saline they have given me. I am beginning to wonder if I am getting the right care, do most hospitals send some one home after they are dilated and only 30 weeks pregnant? My contractions have started again, I am going to wait about 20 more minutes and call the doctor again maybe this time something different will be done because quite personally I am scared to death of having her at home or something because the hospital is full of idiots.

Scare

We had quite the scare on Tuesday, I started having contracations so the doctor wanted me to come in right away. After an exam, sonogram, and a NST they decided to send me to the hospital next door. After I got there they ran more sonograms (right now she is 2 lbs 12 oz.), her lungs look pretty good and she is actually bigger then what they thought which make me VERY happy to hear. They shoot me full of steroids to try to get her lungs to mature faster and gave me some other shot to stop my contractions. They were pretty close to doing a c-section on Tuesday night but decided to see what happened on Wed. well Wed. right before they were about to release me with very strict bedrest orders, it started happening again, so we got to go through all the shots, blood draws, etc. again. She stabilized and is looking good. Now its just a time of waiting. We are hoping to make it these next ten weeks after all I am the best baby cooker there is compared to anything a hospital would have. But at least the full round of steroids have been administered so her lungs have developed more rapidly in case they still need to do a c-section. I am now on bedrest with "bathroom" privileges, how fun is that? Oh well its what is best for her and I am willing to lay my butt in bed for 70 days if that is what it takes. I have to go see the doctor twice a week now until she decides she wants out or they decide its no longer safe to keep her in me. My new goal is to keep her in till Valentine's Day then at 31 weeks things will be a little bit better then at 30 weeks. I will keep you posted, and I have more sonogram pictures for you guys, just got to scan them when I am feeling more like myself. Here is to taking one week at a time and hopefully she isn't here at Valentine's Day.

30 Weeks

30 weeks...
I can't believe I only have 10 more weeks to go! I am starting to freak out a little bit over the small stuff. Don't get me wrong I am really excited but scared to death about things that I know its just I ask myself will I be able to do it for my own child even though I have done it for others... I dunno, maybe I am weird? I ask myself all these goofy little questions like will I remember to hold her neck up, will i hear her in the middle of the night stuff that really has no significance because I know I can do it but I guess I just have to ask myself these things... I am starting to wonder if I can really do it without an epidural, those baby birth shows on television are starting to get to me. They didn't before but now they really are. I got my registration packet on Tuesday from my doctor for the hospital, they ask so many questions, half of them i am not even sure why they are relevant! Its real comforting when on there it asks you if you have a living will or have talked to loved ones about what you would want done if life saving measures for yourself were to occur, so now I am a little freaked out about that as well. I got a brochure about the 3D ultrasound, we are pretty sure we are going to do that, it looks really neat. lets see what else, oh people have been bugging me about pregnancy pictures, I know i need to put some on here but our digital camera is still messed up and i need to develop our film and scan some pictures at least, I just need to get off my butt and do it! Hm mm what else, I think that's about it as far as this week.

Pregnancy Symptoms: Contractions (even though they say its okay, I am not sure if I believe them), Sore Back, Fat Feet