Mikayla loves church!

Tired

I really under-estimated how much a stay at home mother really does! I thought this stuff would be easy... You know watch some tv and just relax. Boy was I wrong. I am constantly cleaning and taking care of MS I hardly sit down through the day... I think having a job would be easier to do then to stay at home. It seems like nothing is ever done and I am constantly doing it over and over. I love staying home with MS but its hard!

MS is doing great, she is rolling over both ways now and starting to scoot around the house. Its hilarious! She puts her butt in the air kicks her legs and puts her head down and off she goes, maybe I can catch a picture of her doing it one of these days! I don't know how people can catch all their children's first moments I feel like such a horrible mother but by the time she is doing it I want to keep watching her instead of running for the camera... Maybe I could just attach the camera to me everyday so I could get all of those moments haha!

One Month Old!

MS is a month old today. I can't believe that she has been home with us for three weeks now. She is growing a lot! We went to the doctor on Friday and she is weighing 5 lbs. 12 oz. 18 1/2 inches long, head circumference 13 1/2 inches. So in the last month she has grown 1 lb. 10 oz. 1 1/2 inches long and her head has grown 1 1/2 inches. Thats insane! She is finally fitting really well into newborn clothes (yay, be ready for cute clothes pictures now haha)

She has quite the personality thats for sure. She definately has my temper and gets mad quickly but gets over it quickly too! She loves staring at me and M's face, lights, fans, and the Little Mermaid book. She could care less about any noises she will look where its coming from and then go right back to what she was doing beforehand. She is also in love with her pacifier, which I HATE HATE HATE, reason being I hate it is because even if she is dead asleep and loses it and wakes up screaming. Oh well its supposed to help prevent SIDS so I can't complain too much.

Sprung from NICU

MS celebrated her 1 week old birthday on Thursday... She got a fantastic present too! She got to come home from the hospital woohoo! I thought I would be up all night, get no sleep, and have her screaming all hours of the night but I thought wrong. The past two nights have been very mellow, she is eating great and keeping her temperature YAY!

Went to the doctor on Friday and she has gained 2 more ounces in a day bringing her up to 4 lbs. 5 oz. he said to keep up what we were doing and she would be big in no time. She is now in the 7th percentile for weight she was in 3rd so thats always good news.

Her umbilical cord fell off at the doctors office when the doctor was examining her. Not sure if she has an innie or an outie, its kinda in between... I will report more on that later!

Day 6 of NICU

Today has been an extremely long day. I don't think my body can take much more of the lack of sleep. I know once she is home it will be a lot easier because when she wants to eat I won't have to drive 15 minutes to get her some of my yummy moo juice! I can't wait to have her home. They put her back in the open air crib and her body temperature has been able to stay high enough to stay in there for 12 hours and counting, so thats one step closer to getting home. She started having an irregular heartbeat today that our nurse saw. They ran an 12 lead EKG and called in a cardiologist consult. We saw the cardiologist and he said its fairly common even in newborns and not to be alarmed. I am very glad it was nothing but very thankful to have had it checked out just in case. The doctors are really good but none of them communicate with each other which somewhat upsets me. One doctor (her actual peditrician) said to supplement my breast milk feedings with 35 ml of breast milk & fortifier to increase it to 22 calories. She did really well with that but then the nurse practioner came in a couple hours later and tried to reduce that amount. Well angry momma bear came out and I told her like it was, I don't think she likes me anymore but this stuff happens all the time and they always contradict each other. Its really rather annoying! She has gained even more weight. Gained an ounce in 1 day YAY she is now up to 4 lbs. 3 oz. so officially she is above her birth weight yippee! Tomorrow is most likely her carseat test, I am crossing my fingers that she stays warm (never been exposed to open air without blanket for more than an hour) and that her O2 stays where it needs to be. Keep your fingers crossed for this please!

Mikayla's Birth Story

March 21st I was put on cervadil to thin my cervix, they didn't think this would put me into labor and I would have to wait for the morning to start pitocin. Around 10pm that night those contractions started and let me just say contractions are not fun! All I could do was lay there and imagine how gorgeous she was going to be that is what helped me get through those nasty nasty contractions.

Around 3:30 in the morning of the 22nd my nurse came in looked at the monitor and said "hmm" then another nurse and another... At this point I started to freak out a little bit, I asked what was wrong, they said her heart rate was falling every time I had a contraction. The said they were scheduling a c-section at 5:30 in the morning and they had to stop the contractions.

Next thing I know the nurse comes in and says we are prepping you for c-section now... (this was about 3:50am). Next thing I know I am being wheeled into an operating room. I remember hearing rock music playing and it was really hot in there! It took six tries for the doctor to get my epidural correctly placed which seemed like an eternity being hunched over and leaning on M. As soon as the epidural took effect they started cutting.

It was really laid back in there I think mainly because I knew all the nurses and the doctors because of weeks of being there on bedrest and wheeling around the hospital almost non-stop in a gorgeous black wheelchair (haha). I got compliments like "you got really great tissue" which I was amused about that then and I still am! M was able to videotape the whole thing which was absolutely awesome.

At 4:39 am MS was brought into this lovely world. The moment Dr. S raised her over the screen for me to see I lost it. I started bawling and I was so relieved she was here. I mumbled the words "I'm a mommy" it hit me that all of these months that I have had my little angel inside me I had grown to love her so much that it hurt.

She had to be taken to NICU because her body temperature was really low so M went up there with her which was a relief to me. Around 8 am they wheeled me up in the bed and let me see her for 5 minutes, I cried the whole time. I was devastated that I couldn't hold my baby, all I could do was stare and that hurt.

Around 930 I was already up there to go see my precious angel she was in an isolette and a heart rate monitor attached to her. I begin to cry, she looked so vulnerable and tiny. I just wanted to grab her, hold her to my chest and run out of the building.

Now its day 6 in NICU. She was under bili-lights for jaundice but those levels have went down. She is eating very well! They are weaning her temperature down. She was moved to a crib but had to go right back to an isolette because she had gotten too cold. Doctors say she should be home by the weekend... I am sure hoping so!

She's here!

This little munchkin here would be why I haven't updated in a while. I will update soon I promise

Ms born March 22 @ 439am weighing 4 lbs. 2 oz. and 17 inches long

Thankful

I have a lot of time to really think lately. I sit here day in day out for the past five days and I have eleven more days to go. Yes, I will admit I have been feeling sorry for myself and realized that is just pure stupid. I am able to go outside in a wheelchair, I am able to get out of my room. Also I am 34 weeks, most of these women here with the exception of 2 or 3 women. Really I am one of the lucky ones. Earlier today there was a lady who I believe was 25 weeks pregnant and she went into labor and they couldn't stop it. She had to have a c-section and I just feel so bad for her. Reason I say think she was so many weeks is you catch certain things while wheeling through the hallways. So tonight before I go to sleep I will pray that her and her child or children are safe and that they are recovering because today I am one of the lucky ones.

In for the duration...

Well I am in the hospital. Finally got my internet connection up and running woohoo! I went to the doctor on Tuesday. They hooked me up to the NST and the baby was not reactive (meaning more than 3 acclerations in 30 minutes). Midwife wanted to do a BPP(Bio-Physical Profile) which is they want 2 movements & 2 kicks in 30 minutes. We were not prepared for what they said next. She is measuring two weeks behind and they wanted me to go see the perinatologist immediately. They sent me next door to the hospital and I saw Dr. S and he confirmed that yes she was two weeks behind in growth. Weighing 3.4 lbs. He diagnosed me with IUGR (Inter-uterine growth retardation) he recommended I stay in the hospital until delivery to monitor her and recommended inducing me at 36 weeks which is on March 21st. So I am here for a while. I am scared to death I know she will be in NICU for a while and they sent a neonatologist in to discuss that with me. I am trying to prepare for that emotionally. Dr. L said she shouldn't be in NICU for too long and will most likely be able to breath on her own and I will be able to breast feed her. They are just worried about her weight. I will try to keep everyone posted.

33 weeks

Selfish?

I am 33 weeks today, I am still kinda in shock that I have made it this far. Considering that I have been in pre-labor since 29 weeks. I am sitting here wondering if I should make the decision to stop going in when I have contractions to get the terbutaline shot. Here is a little information on this shot: it is not FDA approved for stopping contractions, it is used "off list" for this. The most common side effects are: jitteriness (they aren't kidding!), increased heart rate (when my normal HR is around 70-80 and it goes to 141 i think that would definitely be considered increased heart rate), tremors (when you can't even see the wall because you are shaking so hard, its time to do something) mild adverse effects are: (which they say are "less common"): headache (yup they aren't kidding), dizziness (haven't had this one), drowsiness (most definitely!), restlessness (nope), insomnia (nope, never ever had a problem with this), rapid, pounding heart rate (ha! if that's what you call a HR of 141), increased sweating (no), muscle cramps in legs or hands (legs and it feels like my bones are breaking), nausea, heartburn, vomiting (haven't had those three woohoo), increased blood sugar. severe adverse effects are: rapid or irregular heartbeat (yup yup and check yup), increased blood pressure (yup), lowered blood calcium (don't think so), liver toxicity (not to my knowledge), severe lowering of blood pressure, seizures (nope & nope)... okay so for side effects I have all the common ones, most of the "mildly adverse", and one of the serious ones, yet they keep giving me this crap! By the way Tachycardia of the heart is defined as more than 100 beats per minute, I think I qualify for this being my heart rate was ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY ONE!!! Again, why do they think it is safe for a pregnant woman to take this medication??? Had I known any of this before I might not have accepted this shot. Also I have had the betamethasone (steroids to mature babies lungs), which taken in conjunction with terbutaline can cause other serious complications and puts me at risk for more complications, YET THEY GIVE THIS CRAP TO ME! Here are the complications it can have to MS: Tachycardia, Hypocalcemia, Hypoglycemia, Myocardial Ischemia,Cardiac Arrythmias, Hypotension, and Intraventricular Hemorrhaging. So am I accepting these medications that are harming me and most likely my baby just to keep her in longer when right now the risks of her being born right now are: not being able to maintain blood pressure, not being able to maintain body temperature, not being able to maintain blood sugar, (all of these are fairly minor things that she would have to stay in the NICU for a couple weeks to correct). According to March of Dimes she already has the ability to suck/swallow which is a major problem with most premature infants, she can breath and chances of her being on oxygen are fairly slim and if she is it would be a CPAP most likely, nothing too bad... Something I think I could handle if I had to. Okay so here is more medications that they are having me take while I am at home: Procardia (a heart medicine) but is also used for stopping contractions. Side Effects to this: dizziness, lightheadedness, giddiness, flushing heat sensation, headache, weakness, nausea, heartburn, muscle cramps, tremors, peripheal edema, nervousness, mood change, palpatations, dyspnea, coughing, wheezing, nasal congestion, sore throat. I have 15 out of 19 of those side effects and they want me to TAKE THIS CRAP? I am scared that by trying to keep her in longer I am hurting her even more. I am scared that these medications will have long term effects on me as well. When I am not taking the medication I am still occasionally getting a very fast heart rate, sweating, hot flashes... I didn't start getting these symptoms until I had gotten my first two shots of terbutaline. I am scared and slowly starting to lose faith in my OB, why wasn't I informed of these side effects? We are supposed to get an informed decision but I don't think I was accurately informed and now I am starting to maybe regret my decisions. I know at 29 weeks she would have been very small and had a hard time, but now its 4 weeks later. The risk of having her now isn't horrible and I think its something emotionally I could handle. I am 7 weeks away from being 40 weeks and 4 weeks away from being 37 weeks which is considered full term. Is having her 4 weeks before full term going to effect her horribly? I think I am going to call my OB today and have a discussion with her. Right now I am just scared and pissed off that I have had to find this out all on my own, isn't a doctor supposed to be your advocate? To do no harm? Maybe I am being selfish but I am not sure if I really want to have any more of these shots or take any more of the medication that was sent home with me... What if I have a heart attack when M is at work? I know he worries about me all day and makes me call once an hour so the chances of me dying aren't too great, but hey things happen. I know I am just being paranoid but can you blame me?

Hospital V3.1

Started having contractions again late last night, nothing really to be concerned about because my Happy Midwife (the one I like) told me not to be concerned unless I had more then six in hour. So long about 1pm today they started being more then six and becoming really painful. Another thing I was worried about was MS hadn't moved for 5 1/2 hours (your supposed to be concerned after 6 hours) so I called the OB and she said to come in immediately. They hooked me up to NST machine and her heart rate just stayed between 128-132 and I was having a lot of contractions. They were worried about MS because her heart rate should fluctuate. They sent me to the hospital to get a terbutalineshot and for additional monitoring of her heart rate. I got there and they checked me in, they didn't have any beds available in the antepartum unit so I was in the labor room, which I might add is a lot different then the antepartum unit, there are so many lights in there you feel like you are on display for the whole world to see anyway. Long story short they gave me two shots (were supposed to give three) they didn't give me the third one because my heart rate was too high it was 141 (higher then the babys!) but it did what it needed to do and stopped my contractions. I have now been sent home after they made sure my heart rate went down and my blood pressure was okay. I am on strict bed rest which I was on before yippee skippy! So now my goal is to keep her in till Friday at my next OB appt. with Happy Midwife.

32 Weeks

It has hit me that I don't have much more time with this little monster in my belly... I think I will miss being pregnant to some extent. People are always smiling at you, opening doors, offering their seats, commenting how pretty I look, and overall just being nicer. Things I won't miss about being pregnant, people TOTAL strangers thinking they can touch your belly. Just because my stomach sticks out does not give people the right to touch my stomach! I think the next person who does that I will say why are you touching my fat? Hmm... that might make them feel bad mwhahah! I had a guy at the gas station come running (yes literally running) over and touch my stomach before I could turn away and he said "love for the baby" OH MY GOD PEOPLE! In his defense he looked like a total druggie, so maybe he was hopped up on drugs and has no idea how to behave in a social setting... People are just weird. I feel awkward when people I don't know ask me when I am due. I know this is weird but there is a lot of news stories where women will ask others when they are due and stalk them and cut their baby out. Yes I know the likelihood of this happening is slim but I still scares the crap out of me. So when people ask when I am due I tell them May and leave it at that even though we all know I am not due in May but thats besides the point, gives me a month to fend of my stalker! Lets see what else, I am already tired of going to the doctor twice a week, but I know its so little miss in there can stay healthy but its down right boring, maybe they should mix up the routine... Instead of weighing, peeing in a cup, seeing the midwife or doctor, getting an internal exam, and hooking up to the NST machine they should do it in reverse occasionally? Yes, I know I am a weirdo!

Scare V. 2

Went back on Thursday afternoon, started having contractions again. They sent me back over to the hospital where they gave me some injections to stop the contractions. They stopped so they sent me home. I am considered in pre-term labor now and 1 cm dilated... Still wondering if I should have pushed the issue and not let them send me home because I just didn't feel right. I have gained 11 lbs. since Tuesday because of all the Saline they have given me. I am beginning to wonder if I am getting the right care, do most hospitals send some one home after they are dilated and only 30 weeks pregnant? My contractions have started again, I am going to wait about 20 more minutes and call the doctor again maybe this time something different will be done because quite personally I am scared to death of having her at home or something because the hospital is full of idiots.

Scare

We had quite the scare on Tuesday, I started having contracations so the doctor wanted me to come in right away. After an exam, sonogram, and a NST they decided to send me to the hospital next door. After I got there they ran more sonograms (right now she is 2 lbs 12 oz.), her lungs look pretty good and she is actually bigger then what they thought which make me VERY happy to hear. They shoot me full of steroids to try to get her lungs to mature faster and gave me some other shot to stop my contractions. They were pretty close to doing a c-section on Tuesday night but decided to see what happened on Wed. well Wed. right before they were about to release me with very strict bedrest orders, it started happening again, so we got to go through all the shots, blood draws, etc. again. She stabilized and is looking good. Now its just a time of waiting. We are hoping to make it these next ten weeks after all I am the best baby cooker there is compared to anything a hospital would have. But at least the full round of steroids have been administered so her lungs have developed more rapidly in case they still need to do a c-section. I am now on bedrest with "bathroom" privileges, how fun is that? Oh well its what is best for her and I am willing to lay my butt in bed for 70 days if that is what it takes. I have to go see the doctor twice a week now until she decides she wants out or they decide its no longer safe to keep her in me. My new goal is to keep her in till Valentine's Day then at 31 weeks things will be a little bit better then at 30 weeks. I will keep you posted, and I have more sonogram pictures for you guys, just got to scan them when I am feeling more like myself. Here is to taking one week at a time and hopefully she isn't here at Valentine's Day.

30 Weeks

30 weeks...
I can't believe I only have 10 more weeks to go! I am starting to freak out a little bit over the small stuff. Don't get me wrong I am really excited but scared to death about things that I know its just I ask myself will I be able to do it for my own child even though I have done it for others... I dunno, maybe I am weird? I ask myself all these goofy little questions like will I remember to hold her neck up, will i hear her in the middle of the night stuff that really has no significance because I know I can do it but I guess I just have to ask myself these things... I am starting to wonder if I can really do it without an epidural, those baby birth shows on television are starting to get to me. They didn't before but now they really are. I got my registration packet on Tuesday from my doctor for the hospital, they ask so many questions, half of them i am not even sure why they are relevant! Its real comforting when on there it asks you if you have a living will or have talked to loved ones about what you would want done if life saving measures for yourself were to occur, so now I am a little freaked out about that as well. I got a brochure about the 3D ultrasound, we are pretty sure we are going to do that, it looks really neat. lets see what else, oh people have been bugging me about pregnancy pictures, I know i need to put some on here but our digital camera is still messed up and i need to develop our film and scan some pictures at least, I just need to get off my butt and do it! Hm mm what else, I think that's about it as far as this week.

Pregnancy Symptoms: Contractions (even though they say its okay, I am not sure if I believe them), Sore Back, Fat Feet

Week 26-28

28 Weeks: Haven't been doing too much lately... Been extremely tired, just wanting MS to come, I guess I am starting to get bored with being pregnant...

27 Weeks: Had my glucose test, that wasn't too much fun being as I couldn't eat until the test was done. The contractions I have been having are fairly normal as long as they don't last for more than an hour and less than 10 min. apart consistently... I am supposed to drink 1 liter of water and take a Tylenol within an hour from the onset of contractions.

26 Weeks: She is just beating me up all the time, she loves kicking my bladder. M and her have a game, he pushes on my belly and she kicks back and they will do this for about an hour... Me on the other hand I am just getting beat up on both sides when they do this